Unconditional love

Tell me.

Isn't the love of a mother supposed to be an unconditional love. The love with no reason for whatsoever. For the good and the bad. No matter what happen, she will still be there. Standing for her love for her children? Isn't that what unconditional love is all about?

With every step that i have taken, i have always took a step back. Asking myself time and again, if this is where i want to go. Where i want to be. If the step that i took was right. If it is leading me to where i want to be. If being on my own is what i've always wanted.

But now, i'm nearly convinced. That's where i should be. A place i must be. I wasn't wrong all these while. I should be on my own. Even if i don't want to. There's where i must be. Away. Far, far away.

Please convince me. Cause my faith in one mother's unconditional love is faltering.

That moment I could not forget. And maybe i never will.

I'll be spurning web...

Got bitten by a creepy crawly and now my finger is slightly swollen. Hope tomorrow, i won't wake up all muscular and spurning web; swinging from one building to another.


Heh.

Aku nak jadi suis letrik...

Suis letrik yang kecik tu bila tak bernyala, dia perasaan lak.

Gue yang dah 2,3 hari nie batuknya berkokol2 tak pula perasaan sakit ke tak.
Tanya sakit apa adalah.


Isk.


*****

Hari ni ni MC pertama untuk 2006. Selsema. Demam. Suara dah jadi macam Ella, huhu..

Just a line...

"We are like two parallel lines. That run side by side. But we'll never meet."

- (translated) 'Permintaan Aisyah'

Since...

my last update:

1 i had been spending numerous hours at the office (Clocking at non-office hours too; like 2pm on a Saturday). And there's more to come.

2 i met him.

3 one of my long-time chat friend had given birth to 3.14(if i'm not wrong here)kg baby boy. Congrats!

4 and another chat friend is getting married next month.

5 i have felt that i'm losing a friend. Heh, not the first time anyway (nevermind, i'll get over it).

6 i bought myself selipar jamban.

7 i have felt disappointed and frustrated. Isk!

8 i put a header to the blog, huhu.

//edited//

9 my cousin got herself into the Singapore Idol, yay for her!

//edited//

Since my last update...

Selipar jepun...

Will be busy. Am going away for a short while. Talk to you when i talk to you.


p/s: Sekarang selipar jepun dah glamer. Macam-macam kaler dan ropa ada. Jadi rebutan budak-budak sekarang. Tak macam dulu; layak orang panggil 'selipar jamban' je. Huhu.

Now this feels right...

This song;

"If You're Not The One" - Daniel Bedingfield

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

This song has never feels so right. It fits to a 'T'.

Be My Valentine...

The prices of these (in no particular order) are expected to rise sharply tomorrow (or is it tonite?)

Heh.

Jeritan Jiwa: 'Cinta'

Digital Fhoto Jeritan Jiwa

The Hardest Word

Sharing;

53. Maaf

Tahu tak siapa Wahsyi?

Wahsyi ialah seorang tentera musyrikin yang berjaya merejam lembing sekali gus membunuh panglima agung islam, Saidina Hamzah bin Abdul Mutalib,bapa saudara Rasulullah S.A.W yang juga di kenali sebagai Singa Allah ketika Perang Uhud. Kemudian jasad Saidina Hamzah dilapah oleh seorang wanita bernama Hindun yang amat membencinya.

Rasulullah S.A.W amat berdukacita melihat kematian bapa saudaranya yang dibunuh sebegitu kejam. Jantung dan hati dilapah. Lidah di potong dan mata dikorek. Rasulullah S.A.W menitiskan airmata. Kalau tak kerana Wahsyi barangkali Saidina Hamzah tidak dibunuh.

Beberapa tahun kemudian, cahaya islam menyuluh Wahsyi. Dia menganut islam dan apa yang penting baginya memohon keampunan dari baginda Rasulullah S.A.W sendiri.

Rasulullah S.A.W memaafkan Wahsyi tapi baginda S.A.W menyuruh Wahsyi agar menjauhkan diri dari baginda S.A.W. Ini adalah kerana setiap kali menatap muka Wahsyi baginda S.A.W akan menangis terkenangkan bapa saudaranya itu.

Wahsyi menanggung beban tidak di pandang Rasulullah S.A.W sepanjang hayatnya.

________________

Memaafkan seseorang memang mudah. Hanya dengan kata-kata...

Tetapi luka kerana sebuah kemaafan itu sampai bila pun apakah mampu dihilangkan? Barangkali tidak...

Sebabnya kita adalah manusia biasa...

Sebelum melakukan kesalahan kita tak pernah memikirkan apa kesan kepada penerimanya. Kita mementingkan diri...

Kita akan menangis memohon ampun kepada seseorang tapi sebelum ini apakah kita pernah mahu menangis tentang apa yang mahu kita buat...Ya, sikit pun tak pernah...

Air mata mampu mencairkan sesiapa sahaja tetapi luka dan sakit barangkali sampai mati pun tak mampu di cairkan...

- 'Jiwa Kacau',Kelambu

******************

Like the quote here:

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin (1973) “Personal Conduct”

It's always easier to forgive. But forget? It's a different story altogether. And some, never let you move on. Even it had been such a long time since you did your bad deeds, but time never let you forget. They never forget too.

It will always be there, reminding you. So what choice do you have; then to live with it for the rest of your life...?

29 Going 30; Regrets...

I'm 30 in 8 months' time (yes,yes. It's depressing at times). And reaching this age, i do have my regrets;

1 Should have studied harder and get a degree for myself

2 Shouldn't have left home for 10 years

3 Shouldn't have built new relationship on broken ones (i did not make things better. But instead, i made them worse)

4 Should have let myself being manipulate to satisfy others needs and wants.

5 Should have went all out to achieve my dreams; to be a writer,journalist, etc.etc

6 Should have save lots and lots of money.

7 Should have been a much better person.


Now everything seems too late. I felt that some things should have been done this way instead of that. And some things could be better.It's like time has ran out of me already. But i'm left my only one dream now. I don't want to comprise on this dream. This dream will make everything fall into their own places.

Keeping my finger cross now that this dream won't remain a dream but it's for me to live it.

The Man Up There...

is being kind to me lately;

1 the rain came pouring right after i reached my office's lobby

2 i got to be serve the friendly teller at the bank (was chanting to myself,"let it be her, let it be here," like a thousand times; cause i have a favor to ask. Heh)

3 was offered ride back home from work 3 days in a row; which i gladly accepted.

4 for the loose change in my drawer

5 and especially for him; his love.


Ku bersyukur, Ya Allah.

The Other Side...

It has been taken the wrong way. Now, i feel all left out.


*sigh*

_______________________________


Masuk ni, dah dekat 10 kali gue letak date silap; 10/06/2006. *tengok kalendar sat, woahh..hari sabtu tu!* A sign from up above ke..heh,*wink*

Maybe...

Sagittarius:

You are gregarious and enthusiastic, and you espouse high principles such as universal love and world peace. Happy-go-lucky, honest, cheerful and optimistic, at times you are restless, careless and extravagant. Your tolerance allows you to work well with all people, and you accept them for what they are. You are extroverted, and your bluntness and impatience can unknowingly hurt others who are more sensitive. You are fond of sports, the outdoors and travel. "Don't fence me in" could be your motto.

You are socially naive and blissfully unaware of real human differences. You react to others as if they were part of yourself; you tend to merge and melt into them. You need and want to do everything with everybody, and you are open and friendly as a puppy. You have a keen prophetic and inspirational sense; you are always searching, restless and often lack continuity. Your sense impressions are clear and more accurate than others; thus your judgment is acute. But you should learn to think before you speak. Your mind resents confusion and it will reject anything irrelevant to the issue at hand. When you do focus, it is on one thing only, to the point of seeming to have a one-track mind. Unsettled in both mind and body, you need activity and physical exercise. You have a need to roam and are fond of sports, both as a participant and an observer. You have strong psychic and occult tendencies, and you are more sensitive than your free and breezy attitude reveals. You are a natural teacher or preacher, with a talent for religion, philosophy, poetry and music. You like to help others. You have a high degree of independence, a need for freedom and a tendency to be somewhat offhand. You must counteract carelessness and recklessness with tact and thoughtfulness.

You have high principles and a very modern outlook. Usually skilled, you can be detached and intellectual. This position often gives more thought than action. You are a good leader who can meet challenges with serenity and poise. You seldom work well unless you are in charge, and you are contemptuous of tradition unless it is substantiated with logic. You are experimental and innovative sexually, but you may lack the personal touch. With challenging aspects, you can be quite revolutionary and feel a need to overthrow the established order.

"...your bluntness and impatience can unknowingly hurt others who are more sensitive." - This side of me is never visible before. But lately, it has surfaced. I'm uncomfortable. This is not really me.

Maybe i need a break. Maybe like her. Maybe i'll lie low for awhile. Maybe...



Link

February ...

February is like a love-month, no? (where roses price shoot up overnight too, heh). Well, it doesn't really matter whether you celebrate it or not (IMHO, love doesn't need a date to express it) but somehow or rather, you will found yourself feeling all lovey-dovey and mushy (with all those romantic, tear-jerking movies on tele, who won't eh?)

Therefore, here's some words to maybe spice up more of that lovey-dovey feelings:

Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be. - Anton Chekhov

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. - Carl Jung

What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do…? - Friedrich Nietzsche

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. - Jeanne Moreau _{(i just love this quote!)}

And adding one of my own: Love hurts. But it heals too _{(i'm one living example, heh).}

So people, have a great love-month!


Link

Popularity vs Talent

Anugerah Juara Lagu 20 will be shown on TV3 tonite. And i just had this feeling. Feeling that popularity will win over talent yet again. Unless the judges are judging with their eyes wide open. Listening help too. And i also feel that tonite big winner might be the one tagged with a big 'Popular' tag. Heh.

But yeah, watch it. For the maybe great performances.

And the result, of course.

Sweet-smelling...

A result of lots and lots of travelling (with a 'long-distance relationship' thrown in, heh):

_{i'm a regular at some of the hotels; so that explain the similar bottles and soap}

Huh?

This has always been a grey area. Between these two countries and i never want to venture for fear of being caught in the middle. What's with my emo-connection with both countries, heh.

Nevertheless, was watching Buletin Utama when this issue was brought up again. But what bothered me was the 'perumpamaan' used to describe this issue between the two countries - 'bagai Israel ngan Palestin' (ekk, apadaaa..Takde perumpamaan lain ke nak guna. Huhu.)

Ada ke, heh.


More...

June...

He said it might be June.

She said it's going to be June.


So June, it is?


Insyallah.

Cinta...

Evening
Originally uploaded by kiez-amy.

Apa Artinya Cinta - Melly feat Ari Lasso

tiba-tiba engkau ada
kemudian engkau hadir
laksana kerdil ku memeluk
lihat aku lebih dalam

di matamu ku melihat
ada cinta yg tersirat
sirami hati merebak

barangkali aku salah
ku terdiam bukan bisu
tahu engkau rasa malu
tutupi rasa gelisah


biar saja waktu nanti
yg menikmati kisah ini
bersamamu aku senang


belum juga kah kau menyadarinya
akulah yg pantas untuk kau cintai
di bawah langit biru aku bersumpah
diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta

arti cinta ini sudah menelan waktuku
siang malam hanya untuk pikirkan engkau
sejuta kali aku berani bersumpah
diriku tanpamu apa artinya cinta