Have you ever...

Feel this deep, wrenching guilt that saddled heavily on your shoulder? That the things you have done were never enough..? That, a particular someone deserve more that what he/she is getting from you? That, your words have sometimes hurt them more that you realised? That, you have broken their trust for you into a million pieces? And it hurts you more when you see those eyes, their faces?

The pain and guilt just hit you right there; like a punch in the stomach. And nothing can make it go away. It sure does kill you softly.

I'm feeling that way. Right now, heh. And it sure hurts.


Anyway, here's another one;

Bicara Sepi

Kemasyghulan₁ menyapa hati
atma₂ di landa sepi (kesepian)
ingatan berbebaran tanpa watas
renungan berpanjangan tanpa noktah

Gadis itu gelisah
resah gelisah tak tau puncanya
airmata mengalir
dadanya sebak
resah gelisah tak tau puncanya

Mungkin ada hati yang luka
atau ada makhfi yang tersirat
atau mungkin ada rasa yang tak terungkap

Gadis itu berbicara sepi
resah gelisah tak tau puncanya
biar lena sudah lama gersang
biar mentari sudah lama beradu
resah gelisah tak tau puncanya

Mungkin ada suatu keraguan
atau ada khilaf yang terpendam
atau mungkin impian indah telah sirna

Gadis itu masih di situ
resah gelisah tak tau puncanya

- 19 Okt 1997, Anie

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₁masyhgul - dukacita, sedih, susah hati
₂atma - jiwa, nyawa