Case of the Ex - first cut is the deepest...

How do you picked out those ugly memories and stashed them away; never to be reminded again...

Maybe writing them down help? (it might not be running order);


Ugly Memory #1

When i was left out (on-purpose) from the his convocation day. I really wanted to be there for him on his special day. But a few days before his convocation day, he "disappeared". Was unable to contact him on his mobile. And he "resurfaced" only when a few good days had passed since the day. Didn't give any reasons for his "disappearance". But he did told me he went out with some girls and even met his ex-gf.


Ugly Memory #2

We had our first big fight only after 2 months of being together. Couldn't remember the cause of our misunderstanding. But he nearly cancelled our first trip away together (the trip still went ahead, but he claimed later that he went anyway out of pity for me).


Ugly Memory #3

Refer to #2. Apparently, that big fight had change his feelings towards me (he claimed such). He confessed that he did not love me anymore. This really hurt me (you could hear my heart breaking, heh)


Ugly Memory #4

Everything was good when he went to China to visit him family(at least i thought it was). We remain in contact for a few days through phone calls and emails. But a few weeks later, his handphone seems to be off. Thought it's the bad coverage or faulty lines. Manage to contact him after a few days of trying. Claimed he still in China. But smart me (heh!), i could tell that the ringing tone sure sounded different (you know when you make calls overseas, the ringing tone seems a bit longer than usual?). And his ringing tone sure sounded 'Msia'. Keep questioning him if he's already back in KL. But he kept denying it. Called him again the next day (am i beginning to sound like a stalker already?) and still the similar ringing tone. Confronted him again about this and he confessed he was back in KL for a few days already. His reason being; he just didn't feel like talking to me (?!!)

Ugly Memory #5

He pulled this stunt again when he went back to his kampung. He remains contactable for a few days. Then he "disappeared". I went bonkers; getting worried of his being. Even thought of going up to KL to search for him family (sisters) to ask about him. But he "resurfaced" later; giving reasons as 'he went to camp in the forest.' (rolled eyes). He later confessed that he had used another number while he was there. So he remain un-contactable only from me.

Ugly Memory #6

Finally; he had committed a BIG, BIG mistake while he was there. And he claimed that "things just happened". I have never ever got over it even though i appeared calm and forgiving when he confessed to me (not that he asked for forgiveness when he confessed to me anyway).


Can't deny there were good times too. But it's these bad memories that i'm having trouble forgetting it. It's been a year now. And i'm still brokenhearted.

Why you may ask i'm still with him throughout all these when the tell-tales signs were out there for me to see. Well, i do have my reasons and i believed i could make this relationship worked.

But finally after 3 years, i saw the 'light' (heh). I gave up trying and fighting. I let him go.

I'm not writing this to potray him as the baddie. Neither am i seeking for sympathy. But i just feel the need to get this out. I survived all those hurt,lies and betrayal. But i came out badly damaged. And i had never really recovered.

I believe here that time is the best healer. It's only a year and the wound is still raw. Maybe..maybe i will get over him. Or never..